Episode 14 Changes

DGET
No. You open the door for me.
NICK
Huh? Ah! Because I am the strongest - drrrrrhhhh! Ooh-arrr! Ooharrr! Tarzan!!!
ANNIE
Oh, come on, Ziggy, we'll be late.
HECTOR
Is just you and Ziggy doing this protest?
ANNIE
Yes, but when other people see how important it is, they'll join us. We must stop!
Sound of Hector’s mobile phone ringing
HECTOR 
Oh, excuse me, Annie. Hola Papa .. .. . .
ANNIE
Problems?
HECTOR
What? 
Oh, no, no, no. No problems at all.
ANNIE
Oh, look! There's Ziggy. Must dash.
HECTOR
Have fun!
ANNIE
This is not fun. 
This is serious.
HECTOR
This is serious too!
BRIDGET
Now, clothes.
NICK
What?
BRIDGET
I want you more like David Beckham.
NICK
Ah, like this!
BRIDGET
Now where is it? Aha! Here it is. Now come here.
NICK
Really, Bridget, I don't think...
BRIDGET
Oh, don't be silly, Nick. There! That's better. Now, we must go deeper. There is a bigger problem. You have a lot of anger in there. 
NICK
Well, yes, I am wearing this stupid hair-band.
BRIDGET
So we must work on your inner calm. I want to see your chest.
NICK
Ha-ha-humm!! OK!
BRIDGET
Lie down. Close your eyes. And relax.
NICK
Ahhh!
BRIDGET
Now this may tickle a bit. Ready? Here goes!
NICK
Yahhhh!
BRIDGET
Just feel that anger go!
Acupuncture never fails. 
Oh, hi, Mrs Romero.
MRS ROMERO
Hello, Bridget. Where is Hector?
NICK
Hello, Mrs Romero.
BRIDGET
Do you remember Nick, Mrs Romero?
NICK
Time to party!!
MRS ROMERO
Nicky! I can't forget him.
HECTOR
Oh! Hola, Mama! Sorry I'm late. Coffee?
MRS ROMERO
Oh, yes please.
BRIDGET
Excuse us, Mrs Romero. Come on, Nick, I'm taking you shopping.
NICK
Uh-uh.
BRIDGET
Oh? So you want some more acupuncture?
NICK
OK, OK, I'm coming, I'm coming.
BRIDGET
And don't forget your money. 
NICK
Pfwoarrr!
BRIDGET
Oh, you are learning quickly.
NICK
Pfwoarrr!
MRS ROMERO
HECTOR
Oh, gracias, Mama.
MRS ROMERO 
HECTOR
..
NICK [Composing email]
Hey, Dan! 
Guess who I'm going out with? Bridget! 
At last she realises that I am the one for her! 
The only problem is, she doesn't like my manners or my hair or my clothes.
BRIDGET
I want you more like David Beckham.
NICK
Ah, like this?
BRIDGET [Composing email]
Chrissy, I've been going out with Nick for two days now and he is perfect for me.
NICK
Wow! That long? Hmm!
BRIDGET [Composing email]
Well, when I've changed him a bit, he will be perfect. 
BRIDGET
Oh! You are learning quickly!
NICK
Pfwoarrr!
MRS ROMERO
..
HECTOR
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Mother, when in London, we speak English.
MRS ROMERO
Yes, we must. 
English is the language of high class, so I must teach it...
HECTOR
 Learn.
MRS ROMERO
HECTOR
You must learn it, not teach it.
MRS ROMERO
Oh, yes. So your father has found you a wife.
HECTOR
He told me. 
He must stop shopping on E-Bay. Look, Mum, I don't want a wife. I've got Annie.
MRS ROMERO
This girl is from a good family.
HECTOR
So is Annie. 
MRS ROMERO
This girl is rich.
HECTOR
I don't care about money.
MRS ROMERO
But she's almost royalty.
HECTOR
Mum, Annie is my princess.
MRS ROMERO
But she's so...
HECTOR
She's so clever, so kind, so happy! 
Annie? 
MRS ROMERO
Very happy!
HECTOR
What happened?
ANNIE
Ziggy and I were in a field lying down.
MRS ROMERO
Sunbathing?
ANNIE
Protesting.
HECTOR
And...?
ANNIE
It began to rain.
HECTOR
Oh, poor Annie.
MRS ROMERO
Don't touch her!
HECTOR
Now listen, Mum, I told you I love Annie.
MRS ROMERO
Be careful, your pullover.
ANNIE
Hector, your mother's right. Don't touch me!
MRS ROMERO
Oh .
HECTOR
Why did you do that?
MRS ROMERO
Because I love you, darling.
HECTOR
If you knew Annie, you would love her.
MRS ROMERO
Well, I'm going home tomorrow.
HECTOR
Look, Mum, come to dinner tonight and you will meet the real Annie. 
And if you don't like her, then..., then I might marry the princess Dad has found.
Sound of knocking on door
HECTOR
Annie? Annie.
ANNIE
Yes, Hector?
HECTOR
Can we talk?
ANNIE
If that's OK with your mother.
HECTOR
Oh, Annie, she's gone to her hotel now.
ANNIE
Huh!
HECTOR 
Look, she's going home tomorrow and I thought we would invite her to dinner tonight.
ANNIE
Well, I'm going out.
HECTOR
Annie, please don't be silly. 
Stay and be nice to her. She is OK really.
ANNIE
Well, OK then. 
But you must do one thing for me.
HECTOR
Sure. What?
ANNIE
Scrub my back.
HECTOR
Oh, but I am still dressed.
ANNIE
So am I. Well, I can't put these in the washing machine. They're filthy. 
ANNIE
Umm, apricot?
HECTOR
No. 
Annie, will you behave?
ANNIE
When?
HECTOR
When my mother comes to dinner.
ANNIE
Hmm, probably. 
Strawberry.
HECTOR
Annie, I have an idea. 
Nick is pretending to be someone different.
BRIDGET
Nick isn't pretending. 
This is the new Nick. Isn't it, Nick.
HECTOR
You can pretend as well. You can pretend to be what my mother wants.
ANNIE
What, Princess Caroline of Monaco?
HECTOR
Look, Nick is pretending to be what Bridget wants.
NICK
Yeah. A slave.
BRIDGET
How can I help? 
As you can see, I'm a talented stylist. Could I have some more cola, please, sweetie?
HECTOR
My mother is coming to dinner tonight.
BRIDGET
Oh! So what's on the menu?
ANNIE
I am!
NICK
What sort of food does your mother like?
ANNIE
Babies on toast?
HECTOR
I don't know. 
A traditional English dish.
ANNIE
I am not going to pretend to eat meat.
NICK
How about roast Annie? Ha-ha!!
BRIDGET
I know. What about sweet and sour prawn balls? 
Sweet for me...
NICK
And sour for Hector's mum!
BRIDGET
Nick, behave.
HECTOR
Very funny. 
I will cook dinner.
BRIDGET
And Nick will look after your mother because he's such a gentleman now.
NICK
Don't you worry about Mrs R. She'll have a great time. Leave it to me.
HECTOR
So, Annie, will you pretend?
ANNIE
OK, Hector. For you, tonight I will pretend to be the perfect girlfriend.
BRIDGET
Annie, you and I are going shopping. 
BRIDGET
It’s obvious. 
Urrghh! Too Margaret Thatcher. 
Hector will love it, but, no. 
Perfect!
ANNIE [Composing email]
Nadia, 
Hector's mother was here again today. Ooohhh! She is so rude to me.
MRS ROMERO 
Don't touch her!
ANNIE
Your mother's right. Don't touch me! 
ANNIE [Composing email]
Worse still, she’s coming to dinner tonight and Hector wants me to pretend to be the ‘perfect girlfriend’!
BRIDGET
No!
HECTOR
You can pretend to be what my mother wants.
ANNIE
What? Princess Caroline of Monaco? 
BRIDGET
Perfect! 
BRIDGET [Composing email]
It’s working. I’m changing Nick into the perfect boyfriend.
NICK
Yeah. 
Slave.
Assorted background noises
HECTOR
Wow! Annie! You look great.
ANNIE
I look 45 years old.
HECTOR
But my mother will like it.
Sound of knocking on door
NICK
Ah-hah-hah! 
Snap!
MRS ROMERO
Versace?
ANNIE
Marks and Spencer's.
HECTOR
MRS ROMERO
Yes ......
BRIDGET
Have you enjoyed your visit to London, Mrs Romero?
MRS ROMERO
I love London. We often visit our friends, Liz and Phil.
ANNIE
And where do they live?
MRS ROMERO
Buckingham Palace.
NICK
There you are, Mrs Romero.
MRS ROMERO
Oh, you're so handsome, Nick.
HECTOR
Annie has had an interesting day today, haven't you, Annie. 
Go on, Annie, tell Mother about your interesting day.
ANNIE
OK. Well, our GM protest went very well today.
MRS ROMERO
What's GM?
BRIDGET
I don't know. Erm, Great Men, a Great Men protest.
MRS ROMERO
Really?
ANNIE
It means genetically modified.
HECTOR
Listen, Mum.
ANNIE
So, so the farmer came over to see what we were doing...
MRS ROMERO
Oh, GM, GM! Gorgeous Men! Oooh!
NICK
Another drink, Mrs R?
MRS ROMERO
Oh yes, Nick, please. 
You have lovely eyes.
ANNIE
Anyway, he told us to go away and when we wouldn't...
NICK
There you are, madam.
MRS ROMERO
Where did you learn your beautiful manners?
NICK
Oh, I was born with them.
MRS ROMERO
Sit down.
ANNIE
And then the police arrested us, but I escaped prison so I could be here tonight.
HECTOR
[Laughs nervously]
It is a joke! 
Come on, Mum, talk to Annie.
MRS ROMERO
So Annie, Hector tells me you like animals.
ANNIE
Oh, I love them, but I don't eat them. I'm a vegetarian.
MRS ROMERO
How odd.
NICK
If we cannot eat animals, why are they made of meat then? Ha-ha-ha-ha!
MRS ROMERO
[Laughing]
You're so funny, Nick. But I do love horses.
ANNIE
Oh yes, they're wonderful.
MRS ROMERO
And I love riding. 
I love your English hunt. 
Yes, the dogs, the handsome men in red coats.
ANNIE
The dead fox.
MRS ROMERO
Yes, the dead fox.
ANNIE
No! It's cruel. The poor fox.
MRS ROMERO
What do you know? 
You are not from a good family.
ANNIE
There's nothing wrong with my family.
MRS ROMERO
You are not family of beauty.
ANNIE
Well, anyway, I don't believe that Hector is your son. He's too good-looking.
MRS ROMERO
Right, that's it. I'm going.
HECTOR
Mum, Annie didn't mean..., Annie, and Mum didn't mean...
MRS ROMERO & ANNIE
Yes we did!
ANNIE
And another thing. 
You won't need hounds on a hunt. 
When the fox sees you coming, he'll run.
MRS ROMERO
Hector, I shall see you in Argentina for your wedding. To our perfect princess.
Sound of door slamming
NICK
Well, that went rather well, didn't it! 
MRS ROMERO
Oh, who is this? He’s darling!
HECTOR
Oh, that's Charlie. Charlie belongs to Annie....
ANNIE
 Me! 
He's my baby.
MRS ROMERO
Isn't he gorgeous. 
Yes, darling, here's Mummy.
NICK
[Makes nervous laughing noise]
HECTOR
Women!
BRIDGET
So Hector, who's this Latin American princess?
HECTOR
Er, well, my father wants me to marry her, but I will not, of course.
NICK
Well, if you don't want her, I'll have her.
BRIDGET
More wine, Nick!
COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA, Nick gets a job as a bouncer.
NICK
If your name's not on the guest list, then you cannot come in! Huh!
COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Annie gets a tattoo, and Hector wants to be a tough guy. EXTRA, don't miss it.
BRIDGET
I love mixing with the stars!