Episode 30 Love Hurts

get Evans here. Call me Gigi, editor of Channel 9 Live. Are we still on for lunch at Claridge’s today? Oh, fab! Ciao! [Sound of laughter]. Eunice is so jealous! 
ANNIE 
Now that is good news. 
BRIDGET 
Annie, what are you doing? 
ANNIE 
I’m doing my own editing. 
BRIDGET 
Why are you cutting out photos of you and Hector? 
ANNIE 
Because Hector is no longer my boyfriend. 
BRIDGET 
Really? Why? 
ANNIE 
Because he is having an affair! 
BRIDGET 
Really?!! Who with?
ANNIE 
Well, I thought it was Eunice, but now I think it’s Debbie. 
BRIDGET 
Well I just heard him on the phone to Lola. 
ANNIE 
Lola? Who’s she? Hah! Eunice, Debbie, Lola, ha, he’s women mad!! Aah! 
BRIDGET 
Ooh! 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
Guess what?! I’ve got a new job! I am editor of Channel 9 Live. 
BRIDGET 
It’s fantastic! I am editor of Channel 9 Live! 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
Eunice is no longer my boss. 
Oh – and I overheard Hector talking to ‘Lola’ on the phone  
HECTOR 
Hola, Lola! 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
Very suspicious! 
ANNIE [Composing email] 
Hector is no longer my boyfriend! I’m sure he is seeing someone else. 
First, I thought it was Eunice. 
HECTOR 
I didn’t go out with Eunice! 
ANNIE 
Yes you did and you stayed out ‘till three o'clock in the morning! 
ANNIE [Composing email] 
But now I think it’s Debbie. 
ANNIE 
So was that her? 
HECTOR 
Who? 
ANNIE 
Debbie. The other woman. 
HECTOR 
Hi Nick. 
What are you doing? 
NICK 
I am not doing, I am being. 
HECTOR 
Oh. What are you being? 
NICK 
Can’t you guess? 
HECTOR 
A man on the toilet? A Sumo wrestler? 
NICK 
Can’t you see? I am an egg. 
HECTOR 
Oh, of course, you are an egg. 
NICK 
Now, what sort of egg am I? 
HECTOR 
Hard-boiled. 
NICK 
Hah! 
HECTOR 
Scrambled. 
NICK 
Scrambled?! 
HECTOR 
Fried. 
NICK 
Nearly! [Hmm?] 
Poached! 
HECTOR 
Oh yeah. Of course, you are a poached egg. 
NICK 
Yeah. 
HECTOR 
Well you’re making a mess on your bed! Ha-ha-ha! 
Anyway, why are you being a poached egg? 
NICK 
It’s my new acting class. 
Total Being. 
HECTOR 
Oh, what are you next week? A piece of wood? 
NICK 
A piece of wood? 
HECTOR 
Yeah, then it would be wooden acting! 
Anyway, can poached eggs talk? 
NICK 
Don’t be silly! Of course poached eggs can’t talk. 
HECTOR 
No, no, I mean, when you are ‘being’ a poached egg, can you talk? 
NICK 
Oh yes, anyway, I want to stop now, my arms are hurting. Ah! Agh! 
So, what do you want to talk about? 
HECTOR 
It is Annie. 
NICK 
Eh? 
HECTOR 
She thinks I am having an affair. 
NICK 
Who with? 
HECTOR 
Eunice. 
Sound of whistling 
HECTOR 
And Debbie. 
NICK 
What? Two women, Hector! Ha! You cheeky thing! 
HECTOR 
But I am not! 
NICK 
Oh, so tell Annie then. 
HECTOR 
I have, but she doesn’t believe me. 
NICK 
Why not? 
HECTOR 
I don’t know. 
Sound of mobile phone ringing 
HECTOR 
Oh, Excuse me. Hola, Lola. Ha! 
I’ll take this outside. How are you, Lola? 
NICK 
So, it’s not Eunice, it’s not Debbie, could it be – Lola? 
Traffic noise 
ZEUS 
Hey, hey, stop, please! 
ANNIE 
I knew it! It had to be a selfish man driver! 
ZEUS 
Please, I have a voucher. 
ANNIE 
I, I’m sorry, I’ve started, so I’ll finish. 
ZEUS 
Look I am Zeus, why are you so angry? 
ANNIE 
I’m not. I am just doing my job – Zeus. 
Sound of door slamming 
ANNIE 
People park on yellow lines and then are surprised when they get a parking ticket! Ha! There was this one guy today – ‘please, I have a voucher.’ Ha! No excuse! Mind you, he was quite cute. 
Nick, Nick, are you OK? 
Sound of door slamming/laughter 
ANNIE 
Bridget. Oh, it’s you, Hector. Well, there’s something wrong with Nick. 
BRIDGET 
Well I could have told you that! 
ANNIE 
No, he won’t speak, he won’t move. 
HECTOR 
Oh, I know. He is being a poached egg. 
ANNIE 
A what? 
HECTOR 
For his new acting class. 
Hi Nick. Let me guess. You are being – a potato. 
NICK 
Do I look like a potato? 
BRIDGET 
Yes. A couch potato! 
Sound of laughter 
ANNIE 
What about a fish? 
BRIDGET 
Yes, a frozen fish! 
Sound of laughter 
NICK 
I am not a fish. I am pain. 
HECTOR 
You are a pain. 
BRIDGET 
Yes, Nick is a pain! 
Sound of laughter 
NICK 
No, I am pain. Hurt, agony. 
ANNIE 
So, how was your first day as editor, Bridget? 
BRIDGET 
What a day! I had a very important meeting. Big decisions to make. 
ANNIE 
Oh, like which celebrities, new programme ideas? 
BRIDGET 
No, like which pen to use at my meeting. Blue, black  
HECTOR 
Oh, which one did you choose? 
BRIDGET 
Blue. 
HECTOR 
Oh  [Makes tutting noise]  
ANNIE & HECTOR 
Bad choice. 
BRIDGET 
You think so? Oh no! 
HECTOR 
Eunice is so jealous of Bridget’s new job, she won’t talk to anyone! 
ANNIE 
Not even you? 
HECTOR 
Not even me! It is great! 
ANNIE 
You don’t want her to talk to you? Really? 
HECTOR 
Really! Oh, Annie, I hate it when we argue. 
ANNIE 
So do I. I miss you. 
HECTOR 
I miss  [Sound of mobile phone ringing] 
Oh, hola Lola. Ha-ha.  
ANNIE 
Right. Two can play that game. 
NICK [Composing email] 
I started my ‘Totally Being’ acting classes. It is fantastic! I am not doing, I am being ... 
HECTOR 
 A man on the toilet? 
NICK [Composing email] 
Yesterday I was a ‘Poached Egg’. 
NICK 
Yeah! 
NICK [Composing email] 
And today I was ‘Pain!’ 
NICK 
I am not a fish! I am ‘Pain.’ 
NICK [Composing email] 
Oh, and I think Hector is seeing someone called Lola. 
NICK 
It’s not Eunice, it’s not Debbie, could it be Lola? 
NICK [Composing email] 
But I don’t think Annie knows. 
ANNIE [Composing email] 
Hector is definitely no longer my boyfriend! It’s not Debbie! It’s Lola! 
HECTOR 
Hola, Lola, ha-ha  
ANNIE [Composing email] 
Anyway - I’ve met a really cute guy called Zeus. 
ZEUS 
Look, I am Zeus. Why are you so angry? 
ANNIE 
I am just doing my job – Zeus! 
ZEUS 
Hello again. 
ANNIE 
Hello. We meet again. 
ZEUS 
You’re happier today. 
ANNIE 
Yes, I am now! But, I’m sorry. 
ZEUS 
I parked here, so you would come back. 
ANNIE 
Oh. You wanted to see me again? 
ZEUS 
You are so beautiful! 
ANNIE 
[Sound of giggling] 
Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I am going to have to give you [No!] – this, my phone number. 
ZEUS 
Oh. 
ANNIE 
Call me. Who needs Hector? 
Sound of door opening/closing 
NICK 
Hi Bridget. 
BRIDGET 
Oh! 
NICK 
What ‘oh’? 
BRIDGET 
I know, Superman. 
NICK 
What? 
BRIDGET 
Erm, I mean Clark Kent. 
You are being Clark Kent for your acting class. 
NICK 
No. I’m not. I’m long sighted. 
BRIDGET 
Oh. You’re being long sighted? 
NICK 
No. I am long sighted. I need to wear glasses for reading. 
BRIDGET 
They suit you. 
NICK 
Oh, ah, thank you. So why are you not at Channel 9 today. 
BRIDGET 
Oh, I’m working from home today. 
There’s so much to do! 
NICK 
Bridget, what’s the matter? 
BRIDGET 
I can’t do it! Eunice hates me! 
NICK 
Oh, Eunice hates everybody! 
BRIDGET 
They all hate me! 
NICK 
No they don’t! 
BRIDGET 
They all look at me! 
NICK 
Bridget, you are their boss. 
BRIDGET 
I have to use the executive loo! 
NICK 
What’s the matter with that? 
BRIDGET 
I want to chat to all the girls! 
NICK 
Oh, Bridget, you are one of the cleverest, most beautiful women I know. 
BRIDGET 
Really? Well who are the others? 
NICK 
What do you mean? 
BRIDGET 
You said I was only one of the cleverest most beautiful girls you know. 
NICK 
Bridget! You can do this job. 
Channel 9 needs you. 
BRIDGET 
Thank you, Nick. 
NICK 
Hey, it was nothing. 
BRIDGET 
You really look handsome in those glasses. 
NICK 
Ha-ha-ha. 
HECTOR 
Oh, hi Annie. 
ANNIE 
Oh, hi Hector. You look smart. 
HECTOR 
Yes, I am going to meet someone. Oh, Annie, I have something to tell you. 
[Sound of mobile phone ringing]. Oh, sorry. 
¡Lola! Vale. Si, si, ya voy. Hasta luego. 
Sound of door slamming 
ANNIE 
[Mimicking Hector] 
‘Annie, I have something to tell you.’ Yes, that he is going on a date with Lola! That’s what! 
BRIDGET 
Nick, stop it! You’re tickling me! Oh hi Annie, I didn’t hear you come in! 
NICK 
[Sound of laughing] 
BRIDGET 
Oh Nick! [Sound of laughing]  Stop it! 
ANNIE 
Is everybody happy, apart from me?! [Sound of mobile phone ringing]. Hello. 
Zeus! Hi! Well of course I remember you! A drink? Tonight? Ah, I’d love to. Aah! 
Sound of giggling 
NICK 
[Sound of laughter]. Stop it! You’re tickling me! 
Sound of door opening & closing 
ANNIE 
Zeus, meet my friends, Bridget and Nick. 
NICK 
Hi – HI! 
BRIDGET 
Well hello Zeus! Annie, where did you find him?! 
NICK 
Yeah, but he doesn’t wear glasses though, does he? 
Eh? 
ANNIE 
We’ve had a lovely evening, haven’t we, Zeus. 
ZEUS 
Wonderful, H-Annie. Now I must say goodnight. Please, first may I use your bathroom? 
ANNIE 
Certainly. 
ZEUS 
Thank you. 
ANNIE 
Zeus is such a gentle man. 
BRIDGET 
He certainly is a man. 
Sound of door shutting 
HECTOR 
Hi. 
Annie, I must talk to you. 
ANNIE 
What about? Your date with Lola? 
HECTOR 
My date with Lola?!! Annie, Lola is a sixty year old chief executive for ATV. 
ANNIE 
What’s ATV? 
HECTOR 
Argentinian Television. And [clears throat] she wants me to return to Argentina to present their number one show. But I don’t want to go. 
I want to stay here – with you. 
Sound of toilet flushing/sound of door opening 
ZEUS 
That’s better. 
ANNIE 
Erm, Hector, this is  
BRIDGET 
 Erm, Zeus, my new boyfriend. We’ve had a lovely evening, haven’t we! Come on, I’ll say goodbye to you downstairs! 
Sound of door opening/closing 
ANNIE 
So Hector, will you take the job? 
HECTOR 
What do you think I should do, Annie? 
COMMENTARY [v.o.] 
So we must say goodbye to our friends for now? Will Hector stay or go back to Argentina? Will Annie go with him? And will Nick ever give up on Bridget? 
EXTRA – will the story continue?! 
Sound of laughter 
NICK 
Well, there you go!