Episode 27 Can You Live Without?

o be contestants on Can You Live Without  
MARTY ROSS 
Oh, I wish I could help you, but it’s not my decision, it’s the producer’s. Now, I must go. 
BRIDGET 
Erm, you can’t help me. 
Well that’s a shame. 
MARTY ROSS 
Yes it is. 
BRIDGET 
Because I’d hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-huh. Or this. Hmm. 
MARTY ROSS 
Where did you get them? 
BRIDGET 
Hah! Don’t you remember? I’m Eunice’s researcher. 
I research! Oh, I wish I could help you, but it’s not my decision, it’s the newspapers’. 
MARTY ROSS 
All right, all right. I’ll see what I can do. 
ANNIE [Composing email] 
I love the TV show Can You Live Without  
ANNIE 
It’s time to persuade Marty that we want to go on Can You Live Without  
ANNIE [Composing email] 
I think Bridget, Nick, Hector and I should go on it. 
Sometimes I wonder whether Hector can live without chewing gum! 
ANNIE 
Hector, I wish you’d stop chewing gum! 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
Guess what! I persuaded Marty Ross to get us on Can You Live Without  
BRIDGET 
 Because I’d hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-hah. Or this. 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
If we can live without our favourite things, we’ll win a super holiday. 
NICK 
We could do it! It’s just twenty four hours of giving up our favourite things! 
BRIDGET [Composing email] 
It will be easy for me, but I don’t know about the others. 
Loud thumping noise 
NICK 
Ow!! 
TV VOICE OVER 
It’s time for Can You Live Without  And here’s someone you just can’t live without – IT’S 
MARTY!! 
MARTY ROSS 
Hello darlings! 
Do you want to spend the next twenty four hours with me?! 
AUDIENCE 
YEAH!! 
MARTY ROSS 
Correct answer! Yes, let’s see what the people who live – here, can live without. 
But huh, it looks like they live without anything, anyway! 
Now, let’s meet the contestants 
Sound of cheering/applause 
MARTY ROSS 
You first, pretty lady, what’s your name? 
BRIDGET 
Oh, you already know my name, Marty. 
MARTY ROSS 
Hah-hah-hah, we have a pretty joker here! 
Don’t get smart, sweetie, this is my show, photo or no photo. 
BRIDGET 
Erm, Bridget. 
MARTY ROSS 
Good luck, Bridget. 
Applause/sound of wolf whistles 
MARTY ROSS 
 And who do we have here? 
ANNIE 
Hello. My name is Annie and I’m Hector’s girlfriend – and I love Charley, erm, my, my dog. 
MARTY ROSS 
So, which one could you live without? 
ANNIE 
Oh, erm  
MARTY ROSS 
Ha-ha, enough said! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
And this is Hector. So, Hector, Annie loves her dog more than you, ha-ha-ha-ha! 
Mind you, Hector does sound like a dog’s name, doesn’t it! Here Hector, here boy! Oh-oh, don’t bite! 
And, last of all and least of all, ha-ha-ha-ha, it’s erm, hello, is anybody there? I know, you’re a fish, ha-ha-ha-ha! 
NICK 
Ahm, hi  [sound of Nick clearing his throat/stumbling over words]  Erm, Nick. 
MARTY ROSS 
Hi, N-N-Nick! And what do you like? 
NICK 
[sound of Nick stumbling over words] 
MARTY ROSS 
Bananas! 
NICK 
Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba  
MARTY ROSS 
Baboons, you like baboons! You are a baboon then! 
You’re a small baboon! 
NICK 
Ba-ba-ba  
MARTY ROSS 
 It’s not baboons. You like b-babes! 
NICK 
B-irds  
MARTY ROSS 
Sorry, this is Nick and he likes babes. 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
Well, let’s get on with it. 
As usual, each of these contestants has picked one thing that their flatmates cannot live without for twenty four hours! 
Bridget – you must live without chocolate [ah!] mirrors [ah!] and makeup! [Ahh!] 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
Annie, you must live without touching Hector, sucking your thumb and most of all, you must live without Charley! 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
Hector, you must live without – touching Annie and chewing gum. 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motorbikes! And all of you must live without television, magazines and music – twenty four hours of living without starts now!! 
Sound of applause 
MARTY ROSS 
Come on, Charley. You’re coming with me. 
Sound of Charley whining 
MARTY ROSS 
Don’t forget – I’ll be watching! 
Sound of applause 
NICK 
No television! 
ANNIE & BRIDGET 
Aah! 
BRIDGET 
No touching. If you touch, we lose points and we won’t win a big prize. Aaah!! 
No makeup, what must I look like? Ah!! 
ANNIE 
Ah-ah-ah-ah, and no mirrors! 
NICK 
[Makes baboon-type noises] 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at that guy, he looks like a monkey at the zoo! So how will they do? Top points could mean a holiday in the Caribbean! 
But- if they fail they lose points and their prize holiday could be this! 
Of course we might give them one or two temptations to make interesting television. 
Join me after the break! 
NICK [Composing email] 
So, Bridget has to live without make-up, mirrors and chocolate. 
BRIDGET 
Aah! 
NICK [Composing email] 
Annie mustn’t suck her thumb and Hector must stop chewing gum. Oh, Hector and Annie mustn’t touch each other. 
MARTY ROSS 
You must live without touching Hector. 
NICK [Composing email] 
Me? I mustn’t talk about babes and motorbikes. 
MARTY ROSS 
Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motor bikes. 
NICK [Composing email] 
That doesn’t stop me dreaming about them, though! 
MARTY ROSS 
Twenty four hours of living without starts now! 
NICK 
I think it’s going to rain. 
ANNIE 
Do you? 
HECTOR 
I agree. 
NICK 
Manchester United are doing well. 
ANNIE 
Are they? 
HECTOR 
I agree. 
NICK 
I think it’s going to rain. 
BRIDGET 
Weather and football, is that all you can talk about? 
NICK 
No, well yesterday I met this really cute b 
ANNIE, HECTOR & BRIDGET 
Aaah! 
ANNIE 
Don’t say it! Do not talk about babes or motorbikes! 
HECTOR 
Hey! 
ANNIE 
Careful! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Bridget, no mirrors, you lose ten points! 
BRIDGET 
But it’s not a mirror, it’s a kettle! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Don’t argue! You lose another ten points! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Well, it’s all quiet now! Ha-ha-ha! What about some temptation! 
BRIDGET 
Hector, what is in your mouth? 
HECTOR 
Nothing. 
ANNIE 
Are you chewing gum, Hector? 
HECTOR 
No. 
BRIDGET 
No he’s not. He’s chewing this! 
ANNIE 
Open! 
BRIDGET 
That was from the Red Sea, it cost a lot of money. 
Ah! Grr! I could kill for some chocolate! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ha-ha-ha-ah! This should be fun! 
BRIDGET [Reading note] 
Bridget, I love the show, oh, love from, oh, Orlando Bloom! Ah! Ah! Orlando Bloom, watching me! 
Oh, I hope you didn’t hear me say that! Ha-ha-ha-ha! What do I look like? Oh, what do I look like?! Oh!! 
Sound of Charley whining 
HECTOR 
What are you doing, Annie? 
ANNIE 
Oh! I’m talking to Charley! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Annie, you must live without Charley, you lose ten points! Ha-ha-ha! 
ANNIE 
What?!! 
ANNIE 
Hector, don’t move! 
HECTOR 
What is it? 
ANNIE 
It, it’s OK, just don’t move! 
HECTOR 
I’m not going anywhere! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ooh, what Hector doesn’t know is that we’ve put that spider on his jumper! Ooh, this is wonderful TV! 
ANNIE 
Oh, think, think! Ah, one minute! Ah-ha! That’s better. 
Now, we’ll just brush this little fellow off. 
HECTOR 
Don’t touch it! 
ANNIE 
It’s, it’s OK. 
I’m sure it’s not poisonous! 
HECTOR 
How do you know? 
Anyway, if you touch me, we will lose points! 
NICK 
[Making kissing noises] 
Thank you, thank you – oh – mmm – prrr- prrr –prrr! 
Yeah! [Sound of kissing]    Ah! 
ANNIE 
OK. Now – stay still! Hah! 
HECTOR 
Oh, oh-oh!! 
ANNIE 
Don’t move! 
Hang on a minute! 
HECTOR 
Oh! 
ANNIE 
Hector! This is a toy! 
HECTOR 
Oh, ha-ha-ha! I knew that! 
ANNIE 
Oh Hector, you were so funny! Marty has played a trick on us! 
HECTOR 
Yeah, very funny! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ooh! Who’s a cross boy?! Things are getting really hot now and they’ve still got over twelve hours to go! 
ANNIE 
You know Hector, I really think we can do this! We can win that holiday! 
HECTOR 
Mmm. 
BRIDGET 
Hello Annie. 
ANNIE 
Bridget, what are you doing in there? 
BRIDGET 
I’m erm, just reading the electricity meter. 
ANNIE 
Come here. 
And why are you wearing dark glasses? 
BRIDGET 
I don’t want Orlando to see me without make-up. 
ANNIE 
Bridget! Is that chocolate?! 
BRIDGET 
Erm, no! Oh! 
But they’re from Orlando! Oh! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ha-ha-ha, no chocolate, Bridget, you lose one hundred points! 
Sound of motorbike revving 
NICK 
Nick has entered the building! 
BRIDGET 
Nick! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Yes! Annie and Hector touched, they lose two hundred points! 
ANNIE 
What?! 
HECTOR 
It was an accident! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
Ha-ha-ha! And best of all Nick, you can’t live without motorbikes! So you lose five hundred points! 
BRIDGET 
No, no, no, no! You said, no talking about motorbikes, actually, big nose! 
NICK 
Yeah, Marty, so thanks for the present, you can keep your holiday! Hah! 
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera] 
What?! You can’t do that! 
NICK 
Baby, fancy a ride? 
BRIDGET 
Ye-ah! 
Oh Hector, this is for Marty, or should I say – Martina! 
Sound of laughter 
NICK 
So Marty, if you want the bike, come and get it! 
HECTOR 
Sorry Marty, we can live without you! 
Goodbye! Oh, and Marty I think your audience will love this picture of you! 
MARTY ROSS 
Oh-no-no-no!! 
HECTOR 
Come on Annie, we have lots of catching up to do! 
ANNIE 
Oh Hector, catch me! 
COMMENTARY [v.o.] 
Next time in EXTRA! Nick plays Santa, while Hector and Annie play under the mistletoe  
BRIDGET, HECTOR, ANNIE & NICK 
Oh come all ye faithful, joyful and triumph  
COMMENTARY [v.o.] 
EXTRA, don’t miss it! 
BRIDGET 
Oh come ye, oh come ye to da-da-da-da!